What Book to Get for your Brother Who Eats Oysters Fresh From the Sea, Man Crafts Like Mad, and Splurges on the Perfect Sled for his Niece

Buying a Christmas gift for my Salty bro is always an exercise in creativity. First and foremost, TIME is of the essence. When my brother isn’t working, he’s probably doing one of three things, and none of them are reading. He’s working on his boat, he’s out carousing, or he’s hanging in his cozy cabin with his Salty girl, Kimmy and his roommate Grady. When he rests, he either sleeps or man crafts. The Salty One, as we call him, is well read, but that was in a different life. Now he barely has time to eat breakfast. He’s got oysters to grow, at Washburn Island Oysters, and as we all know, OYSTERS ARE DELICIOUS LITTLE NUGGETS, but as many of us don’t know, they needs lots of TLC.

So what to do about Christmas? We could just go with a variation of what we got him last year: inflatable beer pong hats, BUT


Really, we’re sure those have been popped from late night revelry or have ended up somewhere in the back yard- fallen off someone’s head after a wild and epic game. Books endure. Books endure always. So what to get? Here’s a list of what we’ve come up with so far- additional suggestions welcome!


If he doesn’t have time to read the classics, maybe this adaptation of a classic can help. “In homage to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s jazz age classic, this acclaimed graphic adaptation brings to life the glitter, the melancholy and the grand and crumpled dreams of Fitzgerald’s unforgettable characters.”

2. Clifford Ashley: THE ASHLEY BOOK OF KNOTS

For the bro that sails, man crafts, and works on the water, knots are everything. This is the definitive collection, and I can just envision nights spent around the wood stove practicing the most obscure varieties.

3. Brian McGackin: BROETRY

Can it get any better than this:

I have finished

the beer

that was in

the icebox


and which

you were probably


for Friday


Forgive me

this girl came over

so sweet

and so hot.


To remind him of the days when he read Moby Dick like it was no big thing…

5. Fyodor Dostoevsky: CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

Because we’ve got to suggest something literary, and this book will pull him in until he’s reached the last page

6. Rand McNally’s 2015 ROAD ATLAS

To encourage him to remember that it still is a great big world, so worthy of exploring, even if he is a Cancer under the Zodiac and would rather stay cozy under his rock.