Among my many positions and appointments, I teach a class at the University of Alsace Lorraine on the Disney Renaissance. The focus of the class is, of course, the relationship of post-modern fairy tales with the romantic yearning of youth. Our context is the rise of the millennial generation and their sense of entitlement with regards to the “Show You the World Myth”.
Naturally, one topic surfaces in every class: Who are the hottest Disney characters?
It is time to settle this debate. After all, these characters shape the romantic consciousness of a generation. This deserves commentary. So here’s the official list, limited the Disney Renaissance, and assembled by my students (mostly dignitaries and diplomats):
ARIEL – The Little Mermaid
Redhead. Dreamer. Singer. Leg-centric metaphor for the adolescent awakening.
ALADDIN – Aladdin
Rapscallion and future King. In our world, he represents the iconic ducker of red roped VIP sections.
ESMERALDA – The Hunchback of Notre Dame
LOOK AT THOSE EYES.
JASMINE – Aladdin
So hot that her pet tiger hit on her.
GASTON – Beauty and the Best
He knows he’s got it going on. You know he’s got it going on.
NALA – The Lion King
Indisputably the hottest Disney Character. She can fight, hunt, bring a kingdom together and seduce. The stronger member of a proud (get it?) power couple, she is the ideal for modern millennial romance. Besides, look at her looking at you.