The Portly Producer’s previous life ambition is to drink at every single Blarney Stone in the city of New York, a goal which was easily and terribly realized, culminating in the Port Authority Pub Crawl, a locus or hive, if you will, of Blarney Stones.

Never a Good Idea

Though the Literary Man would never wish this night on any one, he did keep a hazy record of all the different places where dreams go to die in the Port Authority vicinity.

1. It’s best to start at the Blarney Stone at 48th and Eighth, and then head south.

2. You walk a staggering one block and arrive at the Blarney Stone at 47th and Eighth

It Can't Get Much Worse Than This, Can It?

3. Head south a few more blocks to any number of bars that are so terrible they don’t have names or web sites; but never fear, Port Authority is near!

4. If you haven’t yet lost the will to live, arrive safely at the Blarney Stone on 31st and Eighth.

Still Going. Ouch.

5. If, against all odds, you still insist on drinking at the Blarney Stone, proceed to the Blarney Stone on 30th and Ninth Ave, really just a terrible, terrible place by any conceivable standard.

6 & 7. Next, if you hate yourself and want to continue drinking at the Blarney Stone, you’ll have to hop in a cab to proceed to either the Blarney Stone at 11 Trinity Place or the Blarney Stone at 45th and Third Ave, both of which should readily eliminate any chance of happiness you might find in this life.