Today is a day unlike other days because the Literary Man has worked at work. Work consists of reading stories people have submitted to the Literary Magazine and, for the most part, rejecting them. The Literary Man often wonders what, exactly, people are thinking when they submit their stories to the Literary Magazine?

To wit: there are a few titles one should never apply to one’s writing, least of all if one desperately hopes to publish it in the Literary Magazine. For example, if you are a writer of literary fiction, do not call your story any of the following:

“The Dolphin Chronicles: Part I.”


“Publish This Or I Will Fucking Kill You”

“Well, Gosh”

“Aliens versus Teddy Roosevelt.”

Okay. In all honesty, the Literary Man was quite taken by the saga of the miniature blue-people from the Andromeda Strain and their luckless fight to stop Teddy Roosevelt from creating the American National Park System; be that as it may, there’s no excuse for not coming up with a more literary title if the writer is serious about submitting to the Literary Magazine.

Number of stories (regrettably, but a little schadenfreuden-ly) rejected today: 130.

Number of stories passed “up the chain” today: 1. Go Aliens.