Reading to a Man Who May or May Not Hear You
Literarians: today we present to you a question:
What do you read to a man who may or may not hear you?
Last week a dear friend and family member of ours was in a horrific car accident. He continues to be in critical condition and is in a coma in intensive care. This weekend, we plan to make a visit and are racking our brains to come up with ideas of what to bring. His wife is allowed four visits a day, for about 30 minutes each visit. They only allow one visitor at a time to see him, and at a certain point, we’re sure that it’s difficult to come up with things to say. It’s important to keep talking, to keep the words coming so hopefully somehow he can hear her voice and keep fighting.
With this in mind, we started thinking about books. Books are a great way to pass time and connect with a person while placing minimal strain on the visitor. We’re thinking about books that are exciting, books that leave you hanging, books that might cause our friend to hang on for another visit, another day, so that he can hear the next part of the story.
We’ve brainstormed choose your own adventure books. We’ve considered THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH as it reminds Milo that life is exciting beyond his wildest dreams. We’ve discussed and dismissed comic books. We aren’t sure what would be best. Can you help? We’d love your suggestions and input.
And for now, stay safe, hug your loved ones a little longer tonight, and be thankful for all the things you have. Life can be fleeting and short, but it’s full of hope and surprises. Today, we choose hope.
I read sections of Henry David Thoreau’s journal to my mother-in-law. I also read a couple of funny stories from our church’s anthology. Had to balance serious thoughts about unity within the universe with something a little lighter. She heard me, I’m sure, and I asked her not to punch me as I read Thoreau, who can be a bit verbose. I am blessed to have been with her in her last hours of life in her mother-in-law form.
Narnia. The Fault In Our Stars.
I think one should consider a book of correspondence. The give and take of inquiry and observation might exert a pull toward re-engagement with life. Some possibilities: “The Letters of Abelard and Heloise”; “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rilke; “The John Lennon Letters.” If the patient is a fighter, he might enjoy “Letters to a Young Contrarian” by Christopher Hitchens. Or just to hear some good reasons to go on, David Malouf’s “The Happy Life: The Search for Contentment in the Modern World” provides excellent incentives.
My mother (who is NOT a reader) was in a coma for seven weeks. Her coma began exactly one week before the 9/11 attacks. My directive for the ICU nurses was simple: NO television news. No television at all, unless it were an LA Dodgers baseball game. She loved to listen to Vin Scully. Mom came out of her coma and eleven years later, she’s just as feisty as she was before her accident. She is, however, a bit quirky for having slept through one of America’s most significant and traumatic events.
aloha Literary Man – one of the things you said is it (imo): “. . . . keep the words coming”. i believe this is what is important—the human voice that cares.
with this in mind you might pick books that the reader likes. maybe an author the reader person likes but has not read yet. which may help keep the reader interested and excited too—which carries in the voice of out loud reading. . . .
or books the listener likes (or subjects/genre) of course if known.
also consider sound and cadence – i like the sound and beat patterns of Longfellow’s The Song of Hiawatha because when read aloud my voice falls easily into the pattern of the sounds. i’m sure there are other books like this.
and then books that bring a beautiful hope – as your images says—Give Hope. there is a beautiful world. pick books that show this. or make you (the reader) smile. i believe if the reader smiles when reading, the listener will hear and feel that smile. if the reader is excited and alert and wants to continue reading the listener will hear/feel this in the words read (imol again).
i’ve never read out loud the Griffin and Sabine books by Nick Bantock but they’ve always been fun to read—and find out what is next in them.
maybe Graham Greene’s Travels With My Aunt.
there are guided meditation books that take the reader (and listener) into meditative states of well being and the amazing beauty of life, through a narrative voice that becomes our own vision. these are easy to find, pick one that interests the reader or that deals with health and well being.
again (imo) if the reader enjoys what is being read, the listener will hear/feel this in the voice (and the reader will more easily be able to stay awake and read).
i also suggest bringing something the reader likes—flowers or a plant or candle (if it’s permitted in the room) as this too connects from visitor to visited.
be wellness on you. aloha.
Phantom Toll Booth sounds great…I read this quote yesterday: “Assume you write for an audience consisting solely of terminal patients. That is, after all, the case. What would you read to a dying person that would not enrage by its triviality?” (Annie Dillard)…so I was thinking that whatever drifted in (or not) should be the very finest thing you can think of?
Difficult question … after all, you want to combine the sound of your voice with something that won’t bore the person to tears – assuming he CAN hear you. Also, if you’re going to read for a longer period of time, the text must speak to the reader as well, and I would therefore recommend something that has an element of comedy combined with the odd bursts of poetry. Walt Whitman is excellent to read out loud as there’s such a pulsing rhythm to his writing. T.S. Eliot is somewhat more demanding in his rather complex poems, but the language is a joy to form your lips around. I would go for modern language, both in poetry and book.
I hope your friend gets better!
Never underestimate the power of poetry and music. I’m thinking some piano jazz in the background and Dylan Thomas’s Selected Poems. With that said, it would be good to read from works that are the person’s personal favorites.
The Wrinkle in Time series is simply delightful. Poetry might be a wonderful resource as well – anything by Rumi, or even the humorous Shel Silverstein is sure to bring a smile to someone’s day.
Thanks everyone for the comments so far! Please keep the suggestions coming- we very much appreciate them!
Perhaps a bit too nail-on-the-head, but Jean-Dominique’s “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” was the first thing to come to mind.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diving_Bell_and_the_Butterfly
The Guernsey Potato Peel Pie and Literary Society by Mary Anne Shafer and Annie Burrows. The voices are mostly female and have a warmth to them. Further, the organization of the book allows for easier 30 minute sessions.
Thx everyone for such heartfelt suggestions. All are helpful and encouraging. Love the different poetry selections, and jazz, too, might be just the right thing. . .
I would head for the literary equivalent of comfort food. If you know what books he loved, left an impression, those are the ones I would choose.
What books does he like? What activities was he involved in? What are his favourite childhood memories? (children’s books are often useful as they don’t require much thought and one in a coma, believing they CAN hear, has less to ‘think’ about and can put happy memories and slowly build their brain back until they wake… MHO…) *hugs*, heartfelt sympathies for your friend; and family who are dealing through this. God bless the outcome to His glory. …khrys
I would read to your friend his favorite book. Read books to him from his childhood favorites. What did his mother or father read to him when he had a bad dream. Was there a tradition of being read to over the holidays, was it the same book or story? If so, read that story often. But most importantly, speak his name. Let him hear the music of his name spoken by those who love him. Call him by his nickname. Have friends and loved ones tell him their favorite, “remember when” story. If he has a significant other, ask that person tell him the story of how they first met.
This is a beautiful call for help from your community of followers. My very best wishes to you, and his family, and loved ones. My very best wishes for him.
I asked my children to read Lord of the Rings to me if I am ever incapacitated in such a way because it is my favorite book and, if I can hear them, will create a movie in my mind. That said, if you don’t love
Tolkien this is not such a good choice. Others have made good suggestions; Phantom Tollbooth is wonderful as is Narnia. How about Shakespeare? It was meant to be heard more than read anyway.