The most offensive part of air travel is the decay of any overall aesthetic.

Therefore, I offer the following guidelines for major (& regional) airlines

1. DRESS CODE

Similar to a country club:  No sweats, cut-offs or t-shirts.  Gentlemen are expected to wear a collar and sportcoat.

[Class]

2. GATE-SIDE LUGGAGE SERVICE

The carry-on system is broken. All it means is a lot of ugly bags, that are dragged through the plane and eventually gate checked. Moreover, the anxiety of overhead space leads to an uncivilized boarding process. Carry-ons should be loaded into the plane, at the gate, prior to boarding, and unloaded prior to disembarking.

[Uncivilized]

3. LOGICAL BOARDING

As a result of ending roll-aboard anarchy, boarding should be a courteous, efficient and reasonable process. Board all window seats, then all middles, then all aisles. There is no other combination that makes sense. The plane is not exactly an abstract shape.

[Simple]

4. NO MORE TRASH BAGS IN AISLES

The fact that on plane service has been reduced to carrying a overflowing trash-bag through the aisles is pathetic. Have standards.

5. WATCH DOWNTON ABBEY

Smile, make a genuine effort to help, and conclude with a thank you. This is client service. Everyone is in client service in some form or another. A rising tide raises all ships.

6. ON THE PA SYSTEM:  LESS IS MORE

There are really only a few things we need to know on board:  We are taking off, we are on time, and we are landing. These are brief announcements. Improvisation is a skill that few possess.

7. QUIET

Like a commuter train, the etiquette on a plane is quiet. Enforce it.

[Precedence]

8. FORBID BRINGING FOOD ON BOARD

Sitting next to someone who has brought a bag (a feed bag) of greasy food on board is appalling. Forbid it.

9. CLEAN THE SEAT POCKETS

They are revolting. In every way. They are full of actual trash. The magazines are intellectual garbage, and the emergency pamphlets are design detritus. Fix this.

10. END VIDEO CEO WARS

CEOs groveling for business on video displays prior to take off is unseemly. These executives should be running companies, not passive aggressively arguing via camera. Have some dignity.

[Have some dignity]

If any airline were to accept these ten guidelines. I would gladly pay an extra $10 on average, per flight, for a more pleasing aesthetic experience. I imagine others would too. If charging for a blanket helps your bottom line. Why not charge for decency?

Yours,

~EP