Begin rant: it’s been almost a week since I first saw this demonic little fur-cylinder, but I still can’t get over the fact thata major American airlinehas made an albino ferret its new national mascot. What could this possibly mean?

"A Whole Different Animal" (no shit.)

There’s admittedly nothing literary about this post, and someone truly creative — like Derrida — could spin an entire theory about the meaning and / or chaos behind such a decision. Ferrets, first of all, are known primarily as aquatic mammals, not aviary beasts. And why an albino ferret? Is he supposed to be some kind of snowy creature inviting you to the nether reaches of Alaska and Colorado where there’s plenty of snow and no garbage on the streets or long lines at your favorite dumpling place on Mott Street? In the unholy Venn Diagram of marketing, PR, and advertising, this picture must be dead in the center, a black mammalian hole of failure and entropy, in which dozens of men and women were fired or, worse, promoted because, as we’ve learned from the Superbowl, “people like animals.” The sad truth of this is that the ferret lover who orchestrated this kerfluffle is undoubtedly swimming in a pile of money right now, not unlike Scrooge McDuck, forever polishing his Lucky Number One Dime. Our culture is doomed. Give me WHITE NOISE or put a bag over my head.  First people start sending each other dead rats for money, and now this. Borges knew this would happen, but he was unable to stop it. How can anyone create art in this world?

(Confession: in writing this, I’ve actually kind of warmed up to the little guy, even if he is a senseless choice for aeronautical mascot. Whatever. Sometimes writing is cathartic.)