The Literary Man has a complicated relationship with many species of the ape kingdom, but most notably gorilla gorilla, an herbivorous ape who trolls the mountains of sub-sarahan Africa looking for his unknowing prey. The Literary Man has, on many occasions, heard rumors of this species’ literary ability — rumors of a Gorilla-penned novel can no longer be ignored — but never before has the Literary Man heard of gorillas suffering from premature gorilla-pattern baldness.

It is simply too cruel to make a joke at this poor beast's expense.